The year that was...

It made me realize that

* Crackers are burst at New Jersey when India beat Pakistan in South Africa showing passions conquer timezones

* iPhone which, like the movie "Gentleman", can take an aged & forgotten hero and make the crowds fall in love all over again

* Children play with the packing that comes with the expensive toy and never play with the toy. Yet none of the toy stores will sell you just the packing

* Each trip abroad you would have bought three new things that you will never use

* You title a document as XYZ strategy when you have no clue as to what you are talking about!

* Cooking is too important to be left to women

Googling Yahoo

I asked my colleague over an instant message:

"Hey,do you know whats the name of Yahoo's new ad platform?"

He replies:

"Hold a sec, let me Google it"

This is monopoly of the order that beats Maruti, Bajaj Scooter to dust!

Sporadic Thoughts

Writing an anonymous blog is far simpler than writing a 4 line sentimental verse for sonny's 1st birthday invite

*************

Like Karna in Kurukshetra battlefield, one's cooking demo fails to match the hype created over skype calls from a distant land

**************

Natural laziness wins over acquired discipline

**************

No matter how many days have passed since you last came to face with them, bosses and Cooum induce similar emotions

Recycle Bin

There are 4 bins kept in the office carefully color coded to segregate waste..
everyone drops everything into the green bin thinking they are environmentally conscious!

And Al Gore won the Nobel for his work helping the environment.

How to name it

Having seen:

* Cleavages
* Skyscrapers
* Engineering Excellence
* Dollars

Somehow,my heart longs for:

* தாய் பாசம்
* தந்தையின் பெயரில்லாத பற்றுதல்
* தாரத்தின் நேசம்
* என் அன்புச் செல்வன்
* சாலைப் புழுதி
* சுட ச் சுட காப்பி
* திருவல்லிக்கேணி கடற்கறை

Modern life complicates simple desires.

Public Transport

It has been a while since I used public transport.

Traveling by the subway at NY helped me relive those beautiful college years. Its a pleasure to...

- Gauge how well your instincts are working by identifying the person who is most likely to vacate a seat when you are standing

- Develop bond with strangers about whom the only things that you know are the time they travel, the station where they get off, their wardrobe size and variety

- Identify bathing frequency, music preferences of a few specifically "intrusive" co-travelers.

- be worried more about the body shape of the person next to you than yourself.

The one that thrills me most and annoys my next-seater is my desire to read the book/newspaper they are reading..

Multi-tasking

Like every aspiring opening batsman must face Australian pace at Perth, every sloth should be away from home for a while.

It will make him realize that dishes don't wash themselves, the washing machine doesn't get your collars cleaned, managing money doesn't mean asking someone to shove money kept in locker to the purse, best tasting food isn't a result of food grains natural evolution, when you leave the coffee mug right next to the couch it just remains there.

For pampered souls like me, living in a foreign land away from, emotionally manipulated or paid for, support structure is a god-send.

At the end of each day, when I take in deep breath and mutter silently "Phew, that was one helluva tough day", I realize, I didn't have to manage a kid, in-laws and an attention craving, perennially irritable and perpetually dreamy husband.

However hard a man tries, he can never multi-task with the dexterity of a woman (and specifically a woman I am in love with). I say this even if someone accuses me of being a female chauvinist!

Project Management at Google

This is a nice way of saying....

"You know what, we missed the project delivery schedule by just a few days".

New York Nagaram - Desi Observations

I know I am sounding like Jurassic park but I had warned "observations will continue"

********************
Western women outnumber Indian women on the street by an order of 100 to 1.
The number of pregnant Indian women easily outnumber pregnant western women by an order of 10 to 1

*********************
You walk into a desi restaurant for dinner as you are late from work.
The restaurant would be so understaffed that an order like Veg Biryani, which is essentially heat-it and serve-it dish, would take longer to arrive than to cook a "delicacy" by your own, do the dishes and sink to a dreamy sleep of wife, family and home

***********************
Wife and husband would drive a $ 20,000 SUV to a laundromat to wash, dry and fold the clothes together.every other weekend. Why don't they buy a washer, dryer at home instead, if they can afford that $ 20,000 SUV?

***********************
In each college there are these stunning women, who the entire male population lust after. (In our college it was Sunita Gopal, how I miss ogling her even now). It was always a matter of great intrigue - Where did these stunners disappear to after college as you rarely see stunningly beautiful aunties in India. Most of them are seen standing in the NJ - NY subways carrying shiny leather bags, reading fat novels and listening to western classical musical in their iPods. Sunitas of the world, get out of your cocoon and grace the Indian streets occasionally - most of your fans feel left behind!

**************************

Software Engineering

There is a saying in hindi that you should never spit in the plate that you eat from and a general rule that you dont belittle the trade that so many of your friends and relatives profess. I will make an exception and say...

Software is not Engineering!

New York Nagaram

New York isn't half as beautiful as they show in the movies, it is twice as beautiful.

Few observations so far

- People are non-judgmental and generally helpful
- Women celebrate the summer by wearing dresses catering to the basal needs of men
- The subways are cellphone blackholes
- When people wear the "I Love NY" tshirt, they are not wearing a silly memorabilia but they are wearing their heart on their sleeve

Observations will continue....

Rs. 10 God

I hate writing cynical rants, as I am a cynical person and want atleast my writing not to be so. However, this trip to Tirupati to see the other Balaji woke up the slumbering cynic inside me.

I was saddened to see humans selling priceless god for an "appropriate" price. For Rs. 10 one can get an additional serving of prasad, for Rs. 50 an additional laddu and for a princely sum of Rs. 100, the head priest would let you inhale the divine smell of the robe that the Lord wore the previous day. I found the whole thing obnoxious to say the least, though I must admit I was a silent recipient of all the above travesties.

Don't get me wrong, I am an intensely religious person in the silent sort of way. This mindless perversion of religion by the proponents occupying the highest chairs is saddening and shocking. It reminded me and for the first time in my life nod my head in approval to the lines Sivaji (Oh, I mean Sivaji Ganesan and not the Boss) spoke in Parasakthi.

It is symptomatic of the way things are around us, wrong people in important positions abusing their power to serve their selfish needs.

As I saw Him amidst all these pimps of a great religion, I muttered a silent prayer for Him and His well-being!

Sivaji - The boss

Amidst all the cacophony of SMS polls, Amitabh vs Rajini, media frenzy, bulletin board tiffs..I only hope Sivaji becomes a Chandramukhi and not a Vikram or Baba!

Thalaiva,by God we need a good movie!

Though I usually hate bosses and want them to fail, in this case I will make an exception.

What they dont teach at Business School

Have you noticed:

* When lost for words in a conference call, the Smart-Alec would collect his thoughts and start by saying "Oh! I never realized I was speaking to a muted phone"

* When Smart-Alec gets a company-wide mass mailer asking for some specific help, he would "Reply-all" knowing very well that the rest of the organization didn't reply as they don't care or they don't have a clue what it is it about.

* When Smart-Alec goes for a large group lunch at the office canteen, he would ensure that he is last in the line for buying coupons

Indian Cricket...Business Management.

"Senior" Cricketers perform in easy pitches against weak teams, boost their average, accumulate man of series awards, give lengthy interviews and pose for soft-glow photographs

Senior management take the simplest tasks, claim credit for successes and blame the rest for unexpected outcomes, accumulate stock options, give lengthy counseling sessions and pose for photographs in annual reports.

Tunnel

The Tunnel closed its eyes
and wondered
Why light always begins
When it ended

Beast of Burden

Laptop slugging Engineer
Looked at the Donkey
and its burdened sneer
Silently derided the dhobi!

Brilliant

Usually I dont point to someone else's site. (I am selfish with my trickling traffic you see).

However this is brilliant to say the least.

Dilbert in real life

Confronted with an impossible timeline, a lucrative deal and a jaw-dropping opportunity, it didnt take me long to realise we needed help.

Seek help I did, called one of the brightest architects I knew and said "Mate, can you help and you are the only one who can. We have to get this out in 4 hrs time". And like a true mate he said "I will come over to your place rightaway"

After an hour of context setting, opportunity sizing and the attractivness of the deal he nods his hed, looks at his blackberry, clears his throat and says "It is a fantastic opportunity but sadly I am in a meeting with my boss for the rest of the day".

Amen!

Irony

Did you notice the irony....

1. Sachin is one of the 14 invited to Ash Abhi wedding and he is not in the 14 cricketers invited by the cricket board to travel to Bangladesh

2. Rahul Gandhi childishly gloats his grand-mom dismembered Pakistan and the next day Dr. Manmohan Singh says he is the future of U.P and by extension - India

3. Sivaji songs are downloadble on the net prior to its audio release and the songs are plain unlistenable!

Silence

A moment's rage
Spewing hurtful words
That linger for ages
Silence seems longer than swords

Bangladesh

Is the turnover of BCCI more than the GDP of Bangladesh?

How about a hostile takeover? :)

Son

If I am Oracle, is my son MySQL?

Writer's block

Bloggers like me hit a writer's block when confronted with the annual appraisal form!

How about you?

Last post about Indian Team in world cup, I promise!

After the Bermuda match, I predicted "The Indian team would make a comeback".

Never thought it will become this

:(

The positives

Never late again to the office each third morning.
No more will we have to watch Sachin squat after he has been bowled as though the ball kept low
No more Dada's clueless looks as to how to stop-being-a-dravid and keep-the-scoreboard-moving.
No more Dravid's perfect English in post-match Press conferences describing horrendous on-match Performances.
No more Agarkar's run-up that reminds one of a Marina jog.
No more Uthappa's crisp hits that end-up as catches straight to the fielder.
No more advertisements that end in the second ball of the new over.
No more noodle strap Mandira blouses...

No more runs, wickets, run-outs, doosras, power-play....back to work. Game is over.

Nostalgia

Oflate, even nostalgia isn't what it used to be....

A couch potato's recommendations

Sachin: I wouidn't mind you failing in the final as long as you take us there

Saurav: Silken cover drives, dancing down to off-spinners. An odd failure against Shane Bond is ok.

Dravid: Find the gaps not fielders. Remember against the aussies in the final, Sachin and Saurav are gonna fail. Standup and play the innings of your life in the final

Uthappa: BTW did I spell your name right? Mate, you have got the strokes but remember its a 50 over game not 5

Sehwag: Vote against your inclusion in the 11 each time you are asked to, thats the best you can do for the team right now.

Yuvraj: Clean strikes, impossible chases, breathtaking catching, the odd chinaman..prove your substance even if not in style

Dhoni: Carib grounds are small for you forearms. Remember to take the catches, you are the keeper.

Karthick: tamizhan yendru sollada thalai nimurndhu nillada

Zaheer: You are not a pace bowler. Whenever you get carried away, remember the last world cup when you got carried away from the field as a corpse.

Anil: You are India's best ever bowler and BTW Aravinda D'Silva is not playing this world cup. Wipe the tail off and prevent nasty last over hero all-rounders:)

Pathan: Ask Wasimbhai, Munnabhai, Dawoodbhai for tips, but for god's sake starting swinging the ball better than the bat.

Harbhajan: Band bhaja gore log ka

Agarkar: No longer can you be pardoned as "wicket taking bowler", watchout for the runs you give

Munaf: Sock it in to them and when it comes to 1 run needed off the last ball, find that streaky edge to third man

Changed change

Be the pain you want to see others in!

Tech help desk

Email from helpdesk:

Sir,

Checked your laptop for the problem you reported.

Checked
a)
b)
c)...


z)


Everything Ok but not working

Home sweet home

From:

Weather channel, MTR me-toos, highway cruises, blonde babes, snow showels, Multiplication enabled shopping decision algorithms

To:

Ashes 1989 re-runs, amma authentic, bumper-to-bumper, churidhar cuties, baby diapers, care-free splurge!

Movie Critic

My friend told me casually “you know what, I downloaded a whole recent movie from one of those sites, first it took me 8 hrs to download the movie, the print* was bad and the movie horrible”

Paarpadhu thiruttu DVD
Kandupudipadhu aayiram kutram


*print -> image resolution in madras-speak

Airport....Laptops...Conversations

Like on a cold day around the fireplace, delayed passengers congregated around the few pillars......

with power supply for their laptops and started their conversations with distant strangers through instant messaging.

Murphied

As I got out on the street,
the cabbie was just pulling close to the pavement
took me to the station by the shortest route
had change to the $20 bill.

The line in the check-in counter was short
the check-in interface seemed intuitive.

Life seemed to scream “have a nice flight” until I reached the gate and it said “Time subject to change, delay due to EWR weather’.

Boston to Bangalore

College
********

I saw her first and felt that she was arrogant, studious without being intelligent, rich and beautiful. Perfect recipe for a Rajini movie heroine. By the time I realised she was kind, charming and witty as well, she was engaged to another classmate of mine.

American Life
*************

When I came here, I came with this opinion. By the time I realised its fun to drive with Tamil MP3 playing, feast on endless variety of tasty stuff and wander around visually soothing malls, its time to leave to Bangalore

Wife

What do you call someone who ...

searches for my stuff faster than Google
makes the impossible sound simple
doesnt need valentine's to display love through blogposts that no-one reads
makes sense of all the madness thrown at her
turned me from "saying-as-it-is" to "seeing-things-that-werent-said"

Superwoman, thankyou for compressing Darwin's evolution to 7 years in my life.

Raising a kid

The best thing that you can probably do for your kid is not to always give it the best things in life.

Consulting

Consulting is the art of talking a lot while saying very little.

Being in a governed city for a change

As I was watching the driver navigate the snow plough efficiently around my badly parked car and then leave without asking for bakshish, I realised...

A working city is like a warm blanket on a cold day, when you have it you don't realize its worth.

Hats off to the way Boston is being governed

Dad

It was my Dad's birthday yesterday, first time in eons I have actually wished him on a birthday.

Is it because I understood...
that when he shouted at me he meant me good and didnt mean to insult me
that when he dint to come to nurse my wounds it was because he had to earn to pay for my medicines
that when he dint know the class I was studying it was because working in shifts disorients you


Or because I want my son to remember my birthdays?

Snow & American Life

Snow is a good metaphor for American life....
looks good on movies but one can't live a movie...

Can you?

Bangalore to Boston

Its easier to peddle lies as facts in jazzy powerpoints than to...


Press one's clothes
Drive the wrong side
Wear an itchy inner or carry a painful shiver
Make shopping lists and buy gifts for all the strangers in your life
Multiply by 45
and ofcourse the paper technology

Sometimes wish life was as simple as making powerpoint slides.

Modern Barbarism

I rarely post on current political events. This blog isnt "positioned" as a political opinion one.

Here I make an exception:

I think filmed lynching and its endless broadcast is worse than killing by stoning.

Read this and decide which is civilization and which is barbaric.

Reminds me of Sam bashing bumper sticker I saw somewhere - "Be nice to America, do what we wish, or we will bring democracy to you."